My hair is still wet from a late shower to wash the remnants of a full day spent traipsing around the tree lined coast that is just as croon worthy as the high energy of the city we left just the night before. There is such a clear distinction between the relaxed seaside foliage we explored today and the bright and cheery tulips emerging from every inch of dirt that can be found in Manhattan and the smoky grill air wafting from every street corner, it’s gorgeous. Both are gorgeous.
And right now I’m feeling a mix of emotions, happy and sad, relieved and yet burdened… but both are beautiful, both are needed right now. I’m headed home to meet my friend’s precious new bundle of joy brought into the world today, and then will attend a funeral of a sweet little soul none of us had the chance to meet. A funeral where caskets should never even be crafted that small. I’m headed home to congratulate a niece and kiss the head of her newborn, and hug my sister in law while I whisper through tears that it’s going to be okay, I understand. Four women close to my heart that are feeling so much right now.
Though all of it, the amazing beauty found in new life and the sorrow that accompanies a loss, a deep loss, I’m also left to sort through the maze of emotions that come with the change and growth of my own little one. We let this trip be the gauge to see if Brayden was ready to wean, and turns out, he was. But this mama? Not so much. I’m ready for so many things, I’m ready for regulated hormones, for my body back, for a little more sleep… and yet I find myself missing our time, a moment no one else can share, and I’m left wondering if I’m taking away the one thing that can soothe his little soul.
And right now I’m realizing that this sorting and sifting of emotions thing isn’t working so well, because there are so many… and I’m tired. So I’m going to take my wet hair and get some shut-eye, because I’ve got a room of sleeping little ones whose sweet breaths are lulling me to sleep and a floor covered in clean laundry I washed today that needs to be folded and packed before we head back into the vibrant city of New York for a few hours, and then catch a flight home.
There is so much more to share from this whirlwind week… so more to come.
Exploring new places and home, both are good. I’m ready for home.
Jessica says
Awww..May God give you the strength and peace you need today and the coming days. Praying for you and your family. Love ya!
Nessa says
prayers sent up for you and your family… for the joys and the sorrows. safe journeys.
christina lusk says
I sighed deeply, heavy hearted, as my chin hit my chest upon hearing the news of precious Madison, racking my soul for a way to extend some sort of comfort. As, much as I wish it hadn’t happened to any of us, I know that one of the greatest comforts, is simply knowing someone else, indeed, “understands”. I love you, Tabitha, for your grace, honesty, and limitless care for others. Praying for you and the family. And, welcome home.