I blink away the tired from my eyes, as if willing myself to wake. I’ve got steam rising from a hot drink next to my keyboard with the promise of a little kickstart, while the giant, and yet eerily quiet hall finishes it’s prep for the crowd that’s gathering outside. It’s one of those mornings, the kind where the alarm startles you from dream land and leaves you wanting more. Sleep that is. Tired or not, in just a few moments a smile will paint my face and I’ll bear the look of one who’s awake and energetic.
And this post? Well, so far I’ve just been establishing my feelings, but the fact that Brayden graduated to Twenty-One months just nine days ago, and I’m just as late, does nothing but make the mama guilt sting just a bit stronger as it courses through my veins. And I let it do it’s work for a few moments before I take a deep breath, close my eyes and push it out to the place it should be. Nowhere near me.
My mind has been swelling with thoughts of this little one, who’s arrow struck in just the right place, who is in a full on sprint towards the goal line of number 2 and hasn’t even slowed to look back. Though, dare I say, the one thing that brings up any flash of my cherub baby is the fact that he still loves his bottle. Yes, he drinks from a bottle, cold Almond milk usually, with a splash of fruity DHA oil. And if you mention bedtime at all? He’ll ask for a bottle and assume the popularized by yoga, Happy Baby pose.
This week I’ve watched him transform before my eyes, and not that he hadn’t already, but the separation of 3000 miles and seeing him only through the small screen of my phone and or few more inches of my laptop has opened me up to see him in a whole new light. A little boy with a penchant for entertaining others, a vocabulary far beyond what I ever thought he’d have already and the sweet, tender side of one who cares. Deeply.
With that said, I must be on my way… but the smile I’m now wearing, well, it’s genuine. And I think I might just be awake now as well.