This post may come off slightly incoherent, a little random, a mix of thoughts and emotions… And it’s okay.
Right now I’m bone tired. If you’ve ever loved in the north, you know what it’s like to get a bone chill, where you’re so cold, it seeps all the way to the inside, and only a really long, extremely hot shower or hours of heat will change it. Well, I don’t live in the north anymore, but right now, I feel like the reason for my sleepy eyelids is seeping inside. Life is busy, crazy, hectic, chaotic… And beautiful right now. I’m learning to let go of rigid schedules and charts, and flow with what feels for our family. And I’m also learning to not feel guilty about it.
That in itself is a process.
Last night my husband and I broke away from the pull of our littles for a date. Our first night out since Skylar was born, sans children. It was lovely, it was just what we needed, and in the quiet of the that space of the dinner table between us we talked about our home and kiddos and how their very breath (and consequent loud voices and feet) make our house a home… Our home. How it might be difficult at times and maybe there’s a little less sleep than needed happening right now, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
When you experience the loss of a child, whether through miscarriage (like we have while trying for each of ours) or otherwise (a sweet friend of mine just lost their five month old, and my heart breaks for them), you realize just how special those little souls that you longed and prayed for are. You are grateful for the sounds of their feet pitter pattering the halls and squeals echoing through the house.
Our home, as loud and crazy as it is, it’s ours. It’s just what God knew we needed.
Gerri says
well done…
Fresh Mommy says
Thank you, love.
loooopsoflove says
I totally hear you girl!!! Everything about life right now for us too is heactic and chaotic!
My 2 owls
Fresh Mommy says
Right! It helps you to reeeaaaly enjoy the quiet moments… The few times they happen.
Susi says
Well said! As tiring as it is sometimes, it’s so worth it! Especially if you’ve experienced loss (I have, too.) Each and every moment is precious.
Fresh Mommy says
Amen sista! Sounds like you know exactly the thoughts I was trying to convey 🙂