Just a few words was all it took.
We were in the highs of Christmas week and as the words trickled through the receiver the reaction was immediate. Silence while my heart tried to find it’s beat again… then tears. Appointments for tests and ultrasounds were made and from there it was just a waiting game. I’d fight to put out of my mind the thoughts that wanted to claw their way to the forefront, to takeover the joy of our family time together or creep in to the quiet moments. In those times, those minutes of questioning or occasions for an inner emotional battle I had to trust, to lean in, to rely on hope. And here’s the thing. No matter what tests show, no matter what outcomes may be, this little precious one growing within is already loved and cherished. The anomaly the doctors were looking for? That just meant that expectations may have to change, that life may be lived a little differently. We don’t have to rely on the way others say it should be. We aren’t tied to the stories of “normal” whether self imposed or otherwise. We aren’t defined by the stories that say we’re not good enough, not strong enough, talented or able. We are warriors. We are lovers. We are overcomes. And we can write our own story. We can choose every single day to write the story we want to say, that says we can. That says we’re able. That says we’re more than enough. We can choose strength and calm in the middle of a storm. We can choose acceptance when change seems to difficult. We can choose love. We are writing our own story. We chose to fiercely love our baby girl even before we knew… and before we get to meet her. (And thankfully, after over a month of tests, she’s in the clear, healthy and whole.)